2000-12-05 :: 04:53:42

destination: estonia

Soundtrack: Foo Fighters, "Foo Fighters"

The lyrics of "Exhausted" are more beautiful than ever, and run in my head every moment these days. I'm not around that much anymore, running exhausted and lost. I am getting better, but I am not totally together yet. There is a lot of makeup work to do, and I worry about incompletes. I worry about the state of my room, and packing, and when I will be done with the semester. I notice how my not having any bright colors clean is a metaphor for my living condition. I dress in drab clothes, and I've reused socks.

A few days ago I was going to make an entry that would have said that it was hard to remember the beginning of the semester. It was a very different time, and less stressful. Putting myself into that mental state is impossible now. I was more organized. And "together." But now I feel more creative; tomorrow will be a good day.

So why am I writing. I did something on a whim today: asked a girl out the same day I met her. With two weeks left in the semester. With me, in all likelihood, going to Australia in a few months. And it was a lot of fun. And I want to remember that.

Dear diary, this may have been my worst writing in you ever. But I want this memory, and I haven't gotten that paper journal going yet, and I've broken your rules before (just as I did in the first sentence of this paragraph), so I'll do it again: Goodnight.