2000-10-12 :: 04:29:33

hip-hop, harm, hurt, and other disjointed ramblings

Soundtrack: Jurassic 5, "Quality Control"

Today (where today is actually the 11^th) has been a full day. I think I will drop the history class that was bothering me. It holds me back from days like these (and it's my fifth class, so it's excessive anyway).

From 9:00PM until 1:00AM, I was at Lupo's watching The Word of Mouth Tour (Beat Junkies, Dilated Peoples, MC Supernatural, and J5). It was a great show (outside of the idiots pushing up now and then, mostly short high-school-girls) -- there was never a silent moment on stage and it was clear everyone up there was having a good time. At the end of J5's set, Chali 2na asked anyone in the audience who thought hip-hop had been represented that night to hold up two fingers. Peace signs filled the air. Then he made a short speech saying that a lot of people want to divide hip-hop but that there was no need for that and that we need to make sure that doesn't happen, to stay together like the two fingers, and asked us all say "Peace." It was simple, but effective and genuine. I've heard other artists (Busta Rhymes comes to mind) try to express thoughts of unity and inclusion but, in the end, always coming off as not truly believing in some way, be it misogyny or constantly discussing black pride and then offhandly remarking about how whites are alright too I guess whatever. There were people of all ethnicities on the stage tonight, and there were even a couple of female MC's that came out to drop verses at the very end (one was good, with a strong, singsong delivery, and one was horrible and nasal). It was nice to just see artists out to have a good time and show how hip-hop can be: inclusive by simply being inclusive, a hot show by just being a hot show -- as opposed to the ever-typical crap act that is just hot air and no real performance.

The most ironic moment was seeing J5 perform their song discussing the entertainment industry's shittiness while being video-taped -- even going so far as to completely do the full track over a second time with a visual cue from Chali (a t-shirt that would be raised over his head) to send us into a semi-scripted frenzy for the cameras. Knowing the lyrics to the song (the chorus is what I've in mind, really), I was amused.

After the show, J5 and Dilated Peoples came out to sign autographs and pose for pictures. I am really hoping the pic with Cut Chemist comes out well. My favorite quote from briefly hanging out afterwards:

"You can get it on Napster. Hooray for Napster." -- Cut Chemist, discussing "Brainfreeze" with a fan who wanted the copyright-violating and therefore out-of-print and therefore highly-coveted album

When I came home, after showering and going to the kitchen, a friend told me about her being sexually assaulted last year. I was eating cheesecake and a yellow apple -- that I'd cut up quite badly -- with caramel ice cream topping (a tasty new dorm-cooking concoction). She comes from a household that would likely think she brought it on herself, that only happens to certain types of girls, why did you let that happen have you been going to church and not drinking and blahblahblah? So naturally, she didn't tell the police, because then they would find out.

Her parents still don't let her leave the house alone and asked her to set up a similar system here! What is she going to do, hire Rent-An-Adult? She's 19, she's in college -- I don't understand how parents think acting like that will protect their children when all it does is create harm, hurt, and wrongly induced guilt. She didn't give details, but it seemed like she was hinting at rape. (Said the first guy she ever went out with "tried to get in her pants" on the first date and later said that "Yes" it was a serious, police-worthy assault, it was "pretty bad.") When a friend came out to me a couple of weeks ago it was easy to say "Well, I figured," and have a relaxed talk about it. This discussion was more relaxed than I might have expected, but I still was so shocked and it was so 4AM that I don't know if I said The Right Things.

So from here I can make a statement that's been on my mind recently (despite the would-be piety of my previous two entries): extreme religion never made too much sense to me. I mean, I understand it -- you need big flames for people like me to light their matches with, because otherwise the fire would extinguish -- but the effects I see it has on people always bothers me. This girl said that metaphor reminded her of Crime and Punishment.

What I dislike about conservative religious thought (emphasis mine):

October 9, 2000
I just found out last night what my dad does on the internet at night I looked in the history and I was so devasted to find he goes to porn sites. I was crying all night and asking myself how he could do that. I could never imagine my dad to do that sort of thing. He claims to be a Christian, but pornography can fry, twist and ruin a mind. It robs people of dignity, integrity and a close relationship with Christ. Porn is extremely dangerous. I don't understand it at all. Since I've known all this, I've been afraid of him. Please pray for my dad.

That was from AUGirl before she began renovations. Well. It sounds like some family doesn't discuss sex at all. Great.

I mean, I had things -- or nearly all things, even things like the fact that you can die from sex with the wrong person -- figured out at 10. My parents were always good about answering my never-ending questions. This assaulted girl's parents' fire-and-brimstone crap makes me want to shake them until their tiny necks give way and they can do nothing but nod in agreement with me. Just another time to be glad I never experienced this kind of parenting. I told her I was about to collapse and that I was glad she talked to me and that I'd always be willing to pick this up another day. But there's something about the safety of the morning hours that makes me think we won't be talking about that anytime soon.

A pretty exhausting day. I'm making a lot of typos because I'm so tired. So it's time to go to sleep. I'll proof this tomorrow.

[ Bed @ 5:20AM ]

[ Resumed at 5:30PM on 10/12/00 ]

Not too many typos in fact, but certainly jumpy. Then again, I've not had much experience documenting friends telling me things like this, especially not in person. I've had friends tell me about rape and abuse and lots of horrible things, but it was all online, and there were hundreds, sometimes thousands of miles between us.

Disjointed:

• I slept until 3:00PM today. It was restful sleep, but I had rather tormenting nightmares for the first time in a while. I wonder why.
• There was a final topic I wanted to cover last night and I forgot it, then remembered it just as I went to sleep. Now I've forgotten it again, much to my frustration.
• I tried rice beverage (rice milk) for the first time. It was not as weird as I thought it would be. It had a kind of sweet aftertaste. Strange, but pretty good.
• I spelled "Hayden" wrong previously. I went to history about an hour late today. The half an hour I was there reassured me that dropping the class would be okay. As much as I love meta-whatever, hearing these people talk about it made me want to go to sleep. I spent time patting the soft grass, looking at the overlapping blades, and feeling the sun on my back (we were outside).
• Akil from J5 forgot to give me my Sharpie back. Or I forgot to ask for it back. Whatever.
• Attention Australian readers (if you exist besides the one I already spoke to): If you have any thoughts about your school, particularly University of Melbourne, I'd like to hear them. I'm thinking of a semester abroad.
• I really want to remember whatever it was that I forgot. Argh. Frustration.

[ Away to eat first meal of day @ 6:00PM ]

[ Back @ 8:00 ]

I just saw an episode and a half of "Oz", the HBO TV series about prison. Now I have a tremendous headache. Something in me dislikes this entry, the ramblings, something feels stale or incomplete or wrong. I still can't remember the forgotten thought. I'm posting anyway.

[ brief addition & minor edits @ 10/13/00 1:00AM, 2:00AM ]

I remembered. I think I'll use it for a play.